Donuts and Pointy Shades
by Collie Parkillo
Summary: Your name is Cronus Ampora, and even after hours of internet research you still have no idea what you're actually supposed to do on dates. [crodirk, au,]


Your name is Cronus Ampora and, despite hours of internet research, you still have no idea what goes on on dates. You've seen them on TV, yeah, but you have a feeling that Danny Zuko isn't exactly the best person to model your romantic escapades after. Not that you really have any, the closest thing you have to a 'romantic escapade' is that guy in the sunglasses who asked you out yesterday at the nearby Starbucks.

See, you're already a shitty boyfriend, you don't even remember his name. Even so, he did ask you to meet him tonight at five on the street corner for some reason you don't really know, and he had a cute little smile that sort of reminded you of John Travolta's.

So here you are, five PM sharp, standing on the street corner with so much grease in your hair that you can literally _smell_ it (Damn. Maybe you shouldn't have put that much in.) and your leather jacket that doesn't smell too great either, waiting for Mr. Pointy-Shades to show up.

And boy, he shows up.

The guy practically sweeps across the street, jaywalking shamelessly. No wonder, really, all the cars probably stop for him, you think, and almost laugh at your own joke but catch yourself before Pointy-Shades can see. His headphones dangle around his neck, and he looks like he just came out of some sort of workout.

"H-hey, uh…" You struggle to remember his name, then just resort to waving your hand back and forth and smiling to make sure he sees you.

"Hey." He's smiling, too, except his smile doesn't look awkward and toothy like yours. Your teeth have always been stick-y out-y and you're suddenly really, really aware of that. "So. I didn't expect you'd actually show up. That's cool, greaser boy." Now you can't actually help it, you burst into awkward laughter. "What's so funny?"

"It's just…" You're blushing now. Fuck. The date hasn't even started and you already embarrassed yourself. Smooth, Ampora. Real smooth. "I thought you'd be pissed at me for not remembering my name, but it doesn't look like you remember mine either."

He looks at you quizzically for a moment, and while you're looking up at him you get a look at his perfectly coiffed sandy hair. "You're really cute, you know, greaser boy. I thought you had good taste in coffee, but you've got a cute laugh, too. You know, I think this might just be true love." He laughs, and if you've got a 'cute laugh,' then you have no idea what his is. "Dirk Strider, by the way."

Even his name sounds like something out of a movie. "Cronus Ampora, but greaser boy is fine." You grin, that thin, sideways smirk that your roommate, Kankri, is always complaining about.

"Alright, greaser boy. Where'd you get a name like Cronus Ampora?"

You shrug. "I'm exotic. It's nothing compared to action hero Dirk Strider."

Dirk laughs, and you notice that his face flushes adorably when he's laughing. "So, I didn't really have anywhere in mind, do you like any restaurants? You look the type to go to like, the Hard Rock Café."

"Never been there, actually. Kinda want to now."

"There isn't even one in this city."

"Well, my little brother works at Dunkin' Donuts, it'd be kinda fun to rub the fact that I got a date and he hasn't even so much as touched a girl's hand at fifteen in his face."

"I'm all for humiliating younger brothers, and donuts aren't so bad. I mean, I've never had donuts for dinner before, but I'm sure it's not all that bad." You're suddenly wondering whether it's right to take your date to a shitty chain restaurant that's barely better than the coffee shop where you met them.

"If you want to go somewhere else, that's-"

"No, let's go to Dunkin' Donuts."

"If you insist." He flashes you a smile that makes you want to melt into a puddle of grease and tears, and you and Dirk start down the street. The area you live in is small enough that both of you know where it is, and you think that's kind of funny, really. "Do you live around here, Dirk?"

"Yeah. One of those shitty lookin' apartments over to the West. Got a penthouse one that I share with my brother."

"I moved out a little while ago, I live with this douche called Kankri and a bunch of fuckin' terrible neighbors. Y'know that kid that sometimes just runs through the street screaming at like five fucking AM sometimes?"

Dirk grins. "My bro placed a bet on whether someone would accidentally hit him one day."

"He and his girlfriend have the apartment next to mine." You grimace, remembering the way Mituna throws a tantrum every time you and Kankri try to watch anything on TV and the way his skateboarding girlfriend will come after you if you so much as touch him.

"Oh, man," Dirk says, giggling. Or, at least, the closest somebody like Dirk can get to giggling. It's more like a manly chuckle, you suppose. Either way, it sounds really attractive and you're suddenly very glad that you were able to elicit that response from him.

When you finally get to the Dunkin' Donuts, it's exactly the same as it usually is. Kind of smelly, really badly decorated, and with your dumbass younger brother sitting behind the counter on his iPhone. Nobody's there, as usual. You think that business at Dunkin' Donuts probably isn't very good. "Hey, Eridan," you call, sing-song like.

He looks up. Hipster-esque glasses, check. Bad purple dye job, check. Weirdly put together outfit made up of what looks to you like sewn together Hot Topic outfits, check. "He looks...kinda emo," Dirk remarks, and you laugh loudly.

Eridan is not as amused. "Fuck off, Cro."

One of the other workers scolds him, and Dirk walks over to the counter. "I'd like one of those pink frosty ones, thanks. I'm your brother's date, by the way. You seem like a nice guy, there's nothing wrong with being a little emo. We all had that phase."

Eridan looks like he's about to faint, and you suppress another laugh. "You know what I want, Eridan," you add.

"I'm sick and tired of getting you your stupid, boring glazed donuts!"

"Hey, hey, calm down."

Your brother grumbles to himself about Cro always getting the good deal and places your donuts on the counter. "Here, take your shitty donuts."

You pat him on the back. "Thanks, Eridan. I'll tell Dad to set you up with one of those chicks from your swim team." He flips you the bird, and you and Dirk go to sit down at one of the plastic purple tables that probably aren't very sanitary.

"I have a confession to make," you say, taking a bite out of your donut. "I have no idea what actually goes on on dates."  
"I've had a bit of experience," Dirk says, smirking.

"Well, mind giving me some tips?"

"For one, Cronus Ampora, you are a sloppy eater," he says, and for a moment you think he's going to lick donut off of your face but instead he kisses you. Man, this guy is _smooth._ And a really good kisser, too.

You're about to remark how maybe Dunkin' Donuts isn't so bad when Eridan yells from the back "Ew, gross!"

You still think that for a first date, it was pretty good.

* * *

**ok this is for aurora again something slightly less serious this time im really bad at writing homestuck i hope you like it yeah **


End file.
